My Personality and My Saturday

There are two sides to me. The predominate side is my quiet, private side. I'm a very guarded person. When someone enters my room, it drives me crazy. Even if I'm in the room with them. There's something about breaking that barrier of door that irritates and discomforts me. My other side, which is about 10% of who I am, is my energetic, "social" side. It's the personality that comes out when I give presentations or when I'm hanging out with a group of friends or go to events with other people. It's the fun, charismatic side of me. It's my let-loose side. The reason I'm not like that all the time is because it is exhausting. I can only be energetic and charismatic for a brief period, and then I'm the quiet, private persona again. I need time alone to gather my thoughts and settle myself into a peaceful state of mind. Being around people puts me out of my mind; my brain is rushing to gather new information every second, and eventually I wear out.

On Saturday night I went by myself to a small theater in Los Angeles to see a play. They were performing A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was nice. The first thing that bothered me was that I didn't know where to really stand or go. There were other people around, but I'm not one to approach strangers for casual conversation. I hate, hate small talk. Anyway, the play was all right. It felt a little long at some parts, and I got lost in the language a few times (even though I've read the play one-and-a-half times, and even wrote a paper on it). It was a small theater, so most of the 80 or so seats were empty, and most of the people there were either friends or family of someone in the play, which was kind of funny. I was neither. Like I said, it felt a little long in some places, especially toward the end. I spotted a lot of fidgeting in seats. But it was good. There's really something about seeing a person act in front of you versus seeing a picture on a screen that alters the way you watch. I guess it's more self-conscious. You're aware that at any time, the actor could turn and say their lines to you. In a way, you feel included in the action. Anyway, I didn't cry or anything, and sometimes the humor was kind of dumb, but overall, I had a good time. I'd like to see more plays soon.

My dad in my dreams (Muddy Companion)

I had a really vivid dream about my dad last night.

I was working at some hardware place--Home Depot or Lowe's or wherever. My job was to handle and stack the sod. (Sod is pre-grown pieces of grass, in case you don't know.) And I was sitting in this large, empty warehouse-type room, crying because I couldn't stack the pieces of sod. Everything was falling and breaking apart, and there were pieces all over the place. I didn't know what to do. Then I see my dad, and he starts helping me. He's cutting slices of queso fresco (Spanish cheese) and sticking them to the broken pieces of sod. And as I'm watching him, I begin to calm down. I start doing the same, and pretty soon I have a small pile of sod that's not broken apart. Then more sod comes in, but these pieces aren't broken. They're nice and thick. I start stacking the new pieces. My dad is next to me, watching me as I work. I'm so busy working that I don't immediately notice when my dad leaves. I start to panic, thinking I won't be able to do anything without him. Then some lady approaches me, and hands me something. (This is how you know I play a lot of Dungeon & Dragons.) Even without reading the note she hands me or whatever it was, I know what it is: it's a magical item--like a staff or something--and it's called the Muddy Companion. What is does is whenever I feel overwhelmed or about to break apart, I can use it to summon my dad for help--no matter what. It's like a magical spell. It was like always having my dad nearby. I don't know how I knew all that, because as soon as she handed me the magic item, my mind immediately popped  to the surface of my conscious mind and I woke up crying. Tears were dripping off my face onto my pillow. However, I was smiling because I felt so loved and happy and proud of my dad, and kept thanking him, over and over again for helping me. It was all so real, mixing dream with reality. I was awake, but not in control of my thoughts. I know it was only a dream, but I realized that that's how I actually feel about my dad: proud, happy, and grateful. After I finished crying, I fell asleep a few minutes later still smiling.

Anyway, that was last nights dream.