may 26 2013

it's 2:27 in the morning. i just came home from a party at my friends house. i don't know why i'm writing this. maybe to record my experiences at a party.

i got there around 10:40. everyone was sitting in the backyard already drunk. people were playing beer pong. i've never actually played beer pong and drank. the couple of times i've played i've let my partner drink all of the beer.

i sat down and talked for a while. people were forming in and out of little groups. then we started playing music. my friend started choosing songs on his iphone, then a laptop. it kinda devolved into an ironic sort of enjoyment. playing old songs that were popular when we were in middle school, old school gangster rap, overplayed hip hop.

my friend has a pit bull. it was walking around everywhere. it has to weigh 60 or 80 pounds, mostly muscle. it took a bag of chips from a table and carried it in its mouth. it started tearing open the bag. i, smartly, thought it would eat the plastic, so i, smartly, tried to take the bag away. it snapped at me and banged it's skull against my hand. that was three hours ago and my hand is still sore. i'm lucky it didn't bite me. i'm also really, really stupid.

there was a girl at this party. (isn't there always a girl?) i've seen her a few times before. i kept hoping something would happen. i don't know what. just something. i repeated to myself, 'nothing's going to happen. nothing's going to happen.' nothing happened.

then i went inside for a while and sat on the couch. i was feeling tired and out of it. my friend walked in, drunk, and sat down next to me. we talked for a bit. the small talk trailed off and died a few times. i guess we have nothing to talk about. we're not particularly close.

then i went back outside and started ironically dancing. just me, no one else. i bent my legs a little, leaned back a little, and made little thrusts with my hips, keeping my left arm loose and hanging, and my right hand holding a water bottle at hip level. i had fun dancing. i wasn't drunk. i didn't have anything to drink all night.

then every started winding down. you know that period when all the drunk people begin to mellow out and get tired. we helped clean up, and people started moving to the front yard. that girl was sitting out there, and a part of me wanted to stay a little while longer in the hope anything would happen. another part, the louder part, said, 'fuck that. nothing's going to happen, don't expect anything to happen. go home already.' tonight, the louder side won. i had to drop off two other friends before i finally drove home.

i forgot to mention a friend of mine unexpectedly left the party and didn't come back. he literally lives across the street from the party, so i assumed he went home. i find out later that he's meeting a girl. good for him. now if only i could do the same.