catalog of august 2020

 Unemployed,

depressed(?)

heat wave

dehydrated

Dreams from My Father

birds

d&d

anxiety

geri getting us a light cover

front neighbors

guy with the lower jaw thing

underbite?

(was he the one who ripped out our camera?)

birdbath

bugs

bees drinking shaded water green with algea

dreams from a restless night of sleep

bitter? not really

resigned, more like

quiet

depressed?

HBO Max is not good -- Ricky and Morty

taking the dog for a walk

visiting my mom

writing poetry no one's gonna read

writing poetry no one asked for

jacking off to feel something

addicted to endorphins that rush of pleasure

so quick to dissipate

faster higher faster fall

days without bathing

amazon is terrible

no one needs two hundred billion

heat wave my clothes wet

$190 electrical bill last month

reading to feel productive

how can i be productive on twitter or instagram?

wastes of time usually

unless to jack off

how quickly that's over

waiting for something to happen

is it more quiet

it's more quiet around here. blogger. my desk. the home office i'm in.

it's 9:38 AM as i write this. today's thursday, may 14, 2020. it's hard to keep track of days.

daze. what am i up to? not much. doing projects around the house. or at least trying to. not really getting anything done.

i feel like a bum. i feel like chris pratt's character in parks & recreation, you know the one who in season 1 is with rashida jones and is like a loser musician.

i need to talk to someone qualified to help me. maybe i need therapy. no, i definitely probably need therapy. depression? anxiety for sure.

i feel tired and scared all the time. i waste time in extremes. 

job

i didn't get the job. they sent an email two days after the final interview.

i cried, of course. not too much.

i told my girlfriend that it wasn't the not getting it that hurt the most. what hurt the most was feeling like a failure.

i've been there over a year. it's kinda a relief, in a way. answering phones may be bad for me.

where to now?