Thinking Like a Man

Normality
I'm a normal guy. I have some sinful or evil or cruel tendencies, but so does everyone. That doesn't make me special. Nothing makes me special.

Elementary
When I was younger, my teachers told me I was intelligent. My teachers told my parents what a joy I was in class, how smart I was, what a quiet and behaved little boy they have raised and shouldn't they be proud. When my life got tough, my mother would say, 'You can do it. You're smart.' When I spoke to other people, I wondered if they were smarter than me. If they had knowledge I didn't, I felt threatened. I got nervous. I acted indifferent. Oh yeah? I know that too. Shut up.

Empathy
I'm cruel to people. I cannot empathize with humans. This is how selfish I am. This is how inward my focus is pointed. I scrutinize every micro-fracture of my soul.

Temperament
My personality is studded in bursts of anger and a fear of living alone. My tempers are short.

Obsession
I cannot focus anymore. These feelings are too powerful and too frequent. It is a yearning for the body. Not the mind but the skin. The hair. The smell. Delicate frame. Innie belly button and a soft nude curve. Lifted legs and tender ankle and pointed toes. The kisses and brevity. Simple flesh.

Self-ignorance
When I step back, I know something is wrong here. Something desires fixing. What's wrong with me? Why am I sick? How can I escape?

Stagnation & Development
Back to normal. Unremarkable, ordinary, common, average. I realize this: it will not stop.

Common Culture
The things I like and the things extraordinary people like are exclusive. I have no taste for sophisticate culture; fancy parties and well-to-do people make me wanna barf. I have no exposure to art or music or modern books. The one thing I may have is brief spouts of facts about classic English literature, but it is limited and hardy rings true and is useless. I am part of the average. Not a leader or a saint; not a revolutionary or a martyr; not a hero or a villain. Is it painful? No. I have kind family. I have fun friends. I earn my way and keep my business to myself.

Snapshot
I don't mind waiting in line. I hate rude people. I feel good when a pretty girl smiles at me. I laugh at jokes. I trip over my own feet occasionally. I talk and chew at the same time. I spy on my neighbors. I produce garbage.

Connection
I feel what many people feel. I am what many people are.