the past couple of days

7/21/13

I'm starting to read the things you suggested. i started reading the gospel of John. i skimmed through that article once. some sections confused me a bit, so i won't talk about it until i can better understand what's going on. about the talk of abortion. . .well, let's leave it for now. (or is it finished? i don't feel like we've finished talking about it.) i want to talk more philosophy with you. i like how excited and interested you get when you talk about it. i like it when you get happy.

however, if i'm honest, i don't expect either one of us to change our points of view. i don't expect you to stop believing in God; i don't expect myself to start believing in God. i think we should still talk philosophy and theology to better understand each others' personalities and beliefs - that's always a good thing; yet, if either of us tries to convert the other person, there will be disappointment, and things will not turn out amicably. so let's try to respect each other in a serious way.

oh yeah, about that love and marriage thing. i didn't say that marriage wasn't about love, nor do i actually think that. i agree that love is important, and it probably is the reason why you choose to commit to someone. my point was that you can't marry someone solely because you're in love with them. at least from what i've witnessed, some marriages aren't exactly loving and comfortable, and the people in those marriages are aware that they don't feel the same as they did when they were first married. however, that shouldn't mean they get a divorce or separate. this is my point: if your marriage sucks, your spouse doesn't feel the same  about you as they once did, you're kinda floating through your life - these are not reasons for divorce. even if you stop loving someone, it doesn't mean you end your marriage. that's not commitment.

having said all this, none of this applies to extreme cases of broken marriages - as in domestic abuse or a toxic environment.

7/20/13

this morning, i worked with my dad at some apartments in Santa Monica. they're single-story apartments, attached to each other in a row, perpendicular to the street. this asian lady comes out while we're working and starts talking to my dad. she's middle aged, probably a bit older, and tells my dad that she's just got home from a three week vacation. she looks at me nearby; i smile and wave to her. my dad introduces me. "this is my son eric" - (yes, that really is my name). the lady says, in accented english, "Oh, my! Hello!" I say hello to her. she says to me, "Your father is good man." I say, "I know."

Then she starts moving towards me, and i think she wants to shake my hand, so I stick my hand out; but what she does is open her arms for a hug. i was like, 'what? okay. whatever.' so i hug her a bit tightly, while she hugs me a bit lightly. she lets go, and says to my dad, "So this is your son! He's handsome! He's a nice boy." haha, that felt good. what i think she meant is that i'm young and healthy, not handsome as in chisled jaw, high cheekbones. and nice as in i don't have any tattoos or piercings or wild hair or anything like that.

then she says, "so, you're helping your dad out? that's good." i nod and say yeah. she says, "gardening, it's good work." I say yeah again. then she says, "it's really peaceful work to do." What? I laugh, and start thinking about all the sweat and grass flying everywhere whenever i mow a lawn. I say, "it's peaceful when we're not using the machines." we all laughed. yeah right it's peaceful.

apparently, she's from china, and has been very successful in the United States.

she was nice.

i got suspicious. why was she so nice? her being nice at first doesn't mean she's a nice person. i don't know. i don't like to be taken advantage of, or scammed, so i don't trust strangers too much. normally people don't want to hug you when they first meet you - especially when they're meeting their gardener (me) for the first time.

this afternoon, we were working in Venice - a hip, trendy city on the beach - at some million dollar house. the lady who lives there has two or three kids, so the backyard was full of toys and playground equipment and small stuff like that. i had to wash the patio area with the hose. the only problem was that there were lots of chalk drawings done by the kids there. i washed them away anyway because i had to. I am the destroyer of children's dreams.

7/20/13

this might be long.

i saw a girl who reminded me of you. my dad and i were at Orchard Supply Warehouse in the check-out line. the girl was a cashier working another check-out line. she was about a foot shorter than me. she had short brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail. she was quite petite, very cute. she wore black glasses, and had a small rounded face.

i thought, "If she" - meaning you - "if she was here right now, she'd probably look something like her." then i imagined you standing next to me, and me seeing you in-person, standing next to you, looking at you. feeling like you were next to me made me happy. i couldn't control my mouth: i started to smile - grin, actually, on the right side of my mouth - at the thought of seeing you in person. i felt happy.

her name was maya, i think. or mayra.

i'm working through those suggested readings you gave me. the article doesn't really make sense to me, and there are some parts i have problems with. i started reading the gospel of john. i'll keep you updated. also, i'm thinking about reading the bible more. so far, i've only read Luke, Genesis, and Revelation. Any suggested books? i'd like to start in the Old Testament.

i went to my friend's sister's party. it was at my friend's house. she was turning 26 today. i got there an hour after it started.

this woman named olga tried to drive home drunk. my friends and i spotted her leaving the party, stumbling across the yard to her car. one of my friends said, "is she driving?" we all started saying that she shouldn't be driving, we should stop her, etc. no one was trying to stop her, so i decided to act. i quickly started walking towards her and stopped her on the sidewalk. she was so drunk she could barely speak a complete thought. i asked, "are you okay? are you going home?" she said yes. "i'll give you a ride, if you want." no, no, she said, i can drive. she slurred her words. then my friend Jessie, drunk as well, showed up. he talked to her, trying to convince her not to drive. he was hugging her, holding her, saying how he knows she's in no state to drive. "listen to me," he said to her, "Olga, I know you. we've played volleyball before. I know you're not okay." I asked, "where do you live?" she said the street names. i didn't know where they were. "I'll give you ride home," I said. Jessie turned to me and said, "Eric, I trust you. Take her home, all right?" although i didn't know where she lived, i knew i had to take her home.

after another minute of holding olga, convincing her to accept a ride home, and steadying her walking, a young woman came over from the party. i didn't recognize her. she politely declared that she'd give olga a ride home. olga seemed more willing to go with her. she asked me if i wanted to come along, and i said yes. the young woman's name was Ruby. i helped olga across the street and into the backseat of Ruby's car. i got into the passenger seat and we left. olga was pretty drunk.

ruby easily knew where her street was, and we got to her apartment without any problems. we got out and walked with olga up some stairs. she kept insisting she was fine, but we kept with her. we then let her walk fifty feet to her door by herself, and after fumbling with her keys for a second, she went inside. then Ruby and I kinda looked at each other in disbelief. ruby mentioned that olga's husband was probably home, which is why she didn't want me to take her by myself - since her husband might go, 'Who the hell is this guy?' ruby told me, in a whisper, that olga has three kids. i thought it was the lighting of the streetlights or something, but i slowly realized that olga was really an approaching middle-aged woman, and the lines and wrinkles and wilting skin of here face showed it - even behind the thick make-up she wore. i felt sorry for her, and i think Ruby did, too.

that's how we got olga back home safely.

it was on the way back to the party that i realized i liked ruby.

rough draft of the story, written last night

there was this woman there named Ruby. she was nice, and quiet. i felt good around her. she's 26, too. she works as a substitute teacher for high school. right now, she's trying to find work as a full-time teacher. how i met her is when olga tried to drive home drunk and i went to stop her on the sidewalk, ruby came and started talking to her. i had offered her a ride home, but she refused. ruby offered her a ride home, and luckily she accepted. ruby asked if i wanted to go, and i said yes. we didn't have much trouble finding her apartments. actually, ruby didn't have any troubles; i would have gotten lost.

back to the post

i realize that i want to tell you stuff: that's why i write here. i like sharing my life with you.

the woman who helped me take the drunk woman home was cute, and nice. real nice. i liked that. she's a substite teacher for the city i live in. she said she's been doing that for four years. she was very sweet - she had this soft talking voice, like she wanted to whisper nice things to you. she dropped another guy off at his house - his name was andrew. i have no idea who he was, and i don't think she did either. when she came back, she told my friend's parents that andrew had asked for her number. later, i drove jessie's car and jessie to his house because he wasn't in a condition to drive himself, and ruby followed to give me a ride back to the party area. (at this point, the party was done and cleaned up.) i think this was around 3 last night. when she was driving me back, she told me how andrew had asked for her number - and she gave it to him! "i thought he'd get it from someone else anyway, so i thought i just won't text him back." she said he had already sent her a text, about twenty minutes after she dropped him off. yeah, i liked her. too bad she's like 26 and has a career and is looking to become a full-time teacher. she's in a completely different period of life than i am, and it would never click - on the supposition that she'd even go out with me.

as my friend said about the party last night: "Drunk ass foo's, sloppy as fuck." lots of sloppy drunk people. the birthday girl got wasted - and i mean incoherently drunk. lots of spilling drinks and knocking over chairs. these twenty-five, twenty-six year old white party girls were stumbling around a lot in short revealing dresses. one of them in a green dress fell to the ground and lay there laughing with her hands covering her face. there was only a few people still there. i bent down and said, "Do you need help getting up?" she didn't seem hear me; she was still laughing and covering her hands. then she moved her hands and looked up at me. we didn't know each other, so she was obviously thinking, 'Who is this guy?' I figure she didn't care about who i was anyway. after a couple of seconds, she said, "Sure." then I grabbed her left hand and under her arm and pulled her up. either she was incredibly light, or i didn't realize my own strength, because i easily pulled her up and to her feet. she had to steady herself and pull her dress down and adjust her boobs. she said "thank you." I said, "sure," and walked away.

one of my friends is a sneaky drunk. i thought he was sober, but at the end of the night he said, "no, i'm pretty drunk." what the heck?

another is an angry drunk. that's self-explanatory.

one of my friends who wasn't there is a sad drunk. he cries every single time he gets drunk. at first he's active and cheerful. then, somewhere in the middle of the night he hits a wall of introspection and self-deprecation, and starts to mope around. seriously, every time he's drunk.

i wonder what i'm like drunk.

oh, we also spent about 45 minutes looking for this lady's car keys. we looked all around the front yard with flashlights, and in the kitchen and bedrooms. we even sifted through the garbage can from the party - which was not pleasant. so much nacho cheese and watery salsa. i made sure to wash my hands with near-boiling water. (just kidding. but seriously: really hot water.) eventually she found her keys in a dresser drawer. you're welcome, lady.

i like older women who are serious, apparently.

i didn't drink at all.