Across the backyard lawn at the small party

I looked over at you, and I don't know if you knew I was admiring you, or if you knew I was looking at you, right at you, instead of someone else behind you, but if when our eyes struck each other and I could see the beautiful amber of your eyes set in piercing white orbs, and you could see me, a stringy, not too handsome yet not too bad looking, smart, socially inept guy sitting in solitude with his laughing friends who, though not actively searching, sometimes notices someone who could one day be his greatest confidant and life partner, his future wife and other half, his lovely girlfriend, then fiance, then wife; the only other person with whom he could talk with, really talk with, talk with beyond anything he's ever experienced, which is something he knows he could only do with a wonderful girl who loved who he was and who would love him for what he would later become once he finished grad school and left for the peace corps and came back two years later with a completely different outlook on life; who could love him on trips around the world and around the country and around the state and around the city and around the house and around the backyard as he played a goofy life, taking it as serious as it needs to be--which is not very--and only becoming a little less goofy under certain circumstances, never once forgetting to appreciate the tangible colors of reality with a deep breath and a 'thank you' sailing through smiling lips, emanating from a solid pair of lungs that live to skip through life on happy beats of invigorating gratitude; if when our eyes struck each other and you saw me admiring you, it's because at that beat of a second my heart was pulled deeper into my chest and my whole body felt as if it had fallen a hundred feet in two seconds, and I suddenly become conscious of the small breath of air I barely managed to inhale, that I would like to talk to you to get to know you better; you seem like a very interesting, funny, smart, warm, passionate and compassionate human being. But if not, if it wasn't me you were looking at, or if it was me and you're not interested, or if you aren't an interesting, funny, smart, warm, passionate and compassionate human being, then I, an average guy with an extraordinary store of love to give but who is incapable of sharing it with anyone else but his life partner, won't bother you with another glance, although I think you're missing out, really; and even though you may not want to know what a kind, funny, smart, interesting, all-around wonderful individual I am, I want you to know that I saw you tonight under clouded Los Angeles stars and beneath wide, sky-scraping palms next to dozens of buzzed people and through the loud, ripping bass of a DJ; and even though I don't know if you know, it was you--only you--I was looking at.