Nostalgia Again

Mellow, melancholy music makes me feel nostalgic. It reminds me of my first year in high school. It's hard remembering my life back then. I have an overpowering sense of romantic nostalgia that reminds me of crushes, trying to fit in, and feeling very lonely. I was very lonely. I was very confused about what I wanted, and I never felt special. There's a lot of mixed feelings in that part of my memory.

I've never had a lot of friends. I don't generally meet very many people. I make acquaintances here and there, but full-blown friendships are rare. I've roughly had the same circle of friends since middle school. We're close, if only for that reason, but I've always imagined the friends I have now will be forgotten ten years from now. Everything's changing, as I've said a million times before. But it's so difficult to qualify this change that I don't even know what my life will be a month from now.

Who will I become in fifteen years? Who am I right now?

In other news, I finished Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. It was pretty funny. It bothers me a bit to know that Lewis Carroll was some creepy mathematician who took dubious pictures of children, but what does it matter now that he's dead?

I keep thinking about "The dreary intercourse of daily life." It makes me irritable.