april 25, 2013

lately, i've gone to bed without washing my face or brushing my teeth.

i worry when it rains. if it rains hard, water gets into my headlights and the bulbs usually burn out. i must have bought 5 or 6 bulbs in the past 3 years.

one of my friends has a pretty girlfriend. she's normally the only girl who hangs out with us. sometimes i imagine making out with her. sometimes it's more than that. if she ever offered to make out, would i accept? it won't happen; she won't want to make out with anyone other than her boyfriend. it's satisfying and shameful to think about.

i'm always late to class. why is that? i don't ever feel like i want to be there, either.

there are some things in my room that should be thrown away, yet i can't. there are lots of old school papers from 6 years ago,  about six or 7 high school notebooks, expired information and acceptance letters from colleges when i was a senior in high school. some things i think i'll need one day; others make me paranoid because they have my personal information on them. the rest makes me sad.

i regret not working harder the past three years of college. i feel incompetent because i haven't gotten into a better university. when i'm driving around Los Angeles and I see stickers or placards that say UCLA on them, i feel disappointed. and lonely. i really would have liked going to UCLA. Así es la vida, i guess.

'when i become the next literary genius, they'll beg me to even visit their school'--that's what a part of my brain thinks.

i don't think i would make out with my friends girlfriend. even if nobody knew. because if he ever found out, he'd fall apart. he loves her with his life. it's just a stupid fantasy in my head that i would never talk about with my friends, or say out loud--except for here. i think it's because she's so pretty that i have these thoughts. that's really a stupid reason.