Christmas and Stuff

For Christmas this year, my family and I went to my mother's cousin's (first cousin once removed, I think) apartment. It's in this huge apartment complex that's shaped like a square doughnut, and in the middle is a pool surrounded by two clean-cut lawns.

My cousins and I played Just Dance 2 on Wii. Are you the kind of person who's not afraid to make themselves look stupid? I am, and I am not. As anyone who's ever briefly met me can attest to, I'm quite shy. I'm also quite socially inept, meaning I don't know how to treat other people in social situations. I've gotten better since high school, but it's still difficult for me to hold one-on-one conversations with strangers, or generally people I'm not very familiar with. Anyway, with that aside, I can sometimes act like an idiot. I can totally shed any regard for shame and dance like a lunatic in front of my cousins (who I'm not exactly close with). I'm either on or off, I guess.

Sometimes I question whether I'm a leader or a follower. But then, why can't you be both? A leader one day, a follower the next.

Often I think about what kind of father I may be some day. I want to be like my dad. I want to have the kind of life experience he has. Maybe all older people have that level of experience, but not all of them learn from their experiences. But to have more life experience, I need to, uh, experience more of life, don't I? Sometimes I think I'm too well-behaved for my own good; I play things too safe.

I think a good father does whatever he can for his children, and I think one day I'll be willing to do that. That one day, however, is nowhere near today.