Silly Boy

(Has it already been a month since my last post?)

I feel like crying right now. Why?

I've been feeling suspended lately. My life feels uncoordinated, unorganized, wandering. Is that good or bad? Should I even ask that question? Not everything can be qualified as good or bad; sometimes life just is.

I don't believe in soul mates. That's silly. I believe in people and I believe in disconnectedness and I believe in love. Choosing a spouse or partner or whatever isn't a matter of finding "the one." There is no one who will completely fill that silly void inside all of us. I don't believe there is one person who is perfect for us because, obviously, no one is perfect. Which leads me back to the whole good or bad dilemma. Some people can get along well, and some people cannot. That doesn't mean that anyone's "bad;" it just means that's the way they are. Some things just are.

Why do I feel so vulnerable? That's a great word to describe how I feel: vulnerable.

My life feels messy. Everything is starting to speed up, and it seems like as more time passes the more hectic my life will become until, eventually, I will die. I was thinking about death the other day. What is it like to die? It's startling to think about my own death. I've never given it any realistic thoughts. But it's there, waiting.

I'm still wondering how my life will end up. Do I need to take steadier control of it?

Anyway, that's the final thought of the day.

P.S.
(Welcome home, Miss Anonymously Me)