so the date never happened. we were going to the movies at 6:45 on sunday. I showered and changed and even styled my hair, which i never do. i was ready by 5:30. but when i called her she didn't answer. she sent me a text later saying she was sorry but she expected to be home earlier and couldn't make it. i said it was fine. she text me back a little later aplogizing, saying she felt really bad. i told her it was all right, that missing the movie didn't bother me at all, and that what i really wanted was just to spend some time with her. she said i truly seemed like a nice guy.
this is all true.
i don't know if i'm a nice guy. i'm a good guy. i'm a timid guy. i'm scared, cowardly, antisocial. i'm sometimes noble, sometimes heroic, usually honest. I'm witty, funny, sharp, and sarcastic, but i'm also dumb, slow to comprehend, and inattentive. i'm not mean, but i can be cruel. i'm not angry, but i lose my temper easily. what does a nice guy mean?
i'm optimistic about this girl. i see two possibilities: one, she's not interested; two, she's hesitant and shy. I see the second as most likely, but maybe that's the delusion talking. i just finished texting with her, asking her about her weekend and her day. it was nice. ultimately, i must know: is this leading to a dead-end? do i have to slowly win her trust and comfort over a period of time? is patience key here? or is she stringing me along half-heartedly? if i truly knew what she wanted, and if what she wanted wasn't a relationship with me, i'd cut her away without a thought. But the catch is that you can't know.
in the beginning i told her that I liked her (a mistake?) and that I wanted to get to know her, and asked her if this was all right. she told me she was okay with this, and that i seemed like a nice guy.
goodnight.
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Awww Tom. This makes me kind of sad. I hope you get to hang out with her soon, and that she likes you too.
ReplyDeleteThomas, I'm sorry to hear your date was cancelled, you do truly seem to be a nice guy with the upmost admirable patience.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I hate to say this, but I often do the same thing as she has done to you; ignoring calls, texting afterwards, apologising and making up an excuse to make it seem as if cancelling the plans wasn't entirely my fault. I do this almost all the time when meeting new people/on dates because as an introvert, I am overwhelmed by this new situation. I believe you are right in thinking that she is hesitant and shy, and if that is the case, it's important to note that none of this is your fault - you haven't scared her off and she's probably just as invested to get to know you but it's often anxiety that controls our actions more so than ourselves.
It was not a mistake to tell her you like her, it would've been more of a mistake to contain those feelings and never know what could've been. I hope it works out for the best, you deserve happiness.